I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
