He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
