I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
