I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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