I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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