dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need to align my fucking chakras
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
