Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
