Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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