woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
