I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
