I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Terrible idea I love it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
