why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
