I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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