first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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