somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize