onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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