'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
