Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize