I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize