Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
