I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
