hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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