brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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