oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
