with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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