I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
