You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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