He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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