i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
