so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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