Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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