maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
