God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
