we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
