Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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