can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
