pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize