Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
