I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize