dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
