I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
