would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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