when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
