remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
