My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
