Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
