Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
