Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was born a porn star she said
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
