As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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