She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
