is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
