Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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