my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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