I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
