I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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