Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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