I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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