her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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