there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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