North Korea, Best Korea!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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